The Deadly Implications Of Relapse

While there are plenty of individuals that can make a successful recovery after leaving addiction rehab, for others there is always the possibility of relapse looming over them. Relapse can be a small slip up before being completely rehabilitated, or unfortunately for some it can have more dangerous consequences.

For people like Cory Monteith of Glee, a mistake in the few months after leaving rehab can lead to a fatal drug overdose. His deadly relapse is just one of many in the U.S. – 100 people die every day from drug overdoses. There are a few ways to prevent this type of accident from happening if addicts take precautions, get ongoing treatment and understand what the dangers are instead of being overconfident in their ability to stay sober.

Time After Rehab

The period of time after moving back home from a drug rehab center is the most vulnerable time for anyone recovering from addiction. This is often the case because they are back in an environment where they used to have a substance abuse problem.

They will be faced with temptation and cravings almost everywhere and have to be extra vigilant to change their old lifestyle. Another reason that addicts can be particularly vulnerable to relapse and possibly drug overdose is the fact that they have dramatically decreased their tolerance while in a rehab program.

Years Of Drug Abuse

People that have been using drugs for years build up a tolerance and their body can begin to withstand a larger amount of a drug over time. Abstaining from their addictive drug for a few months means their body will no longer be able to handle the same amount they once used before receiving rehab addiction treatment. If an addict relapses by using the amount of drugs they had in the past then the risk of overdose is extremely high. 

There are ways of handling relapse and the possibility of it happening that can prevent it from being a death sentence.  An addict should avoid having the attitude that they have already beat their addiction because it will keep them from being open to the kind of help that could save their life. 

Certain Medications

There are certain medications such as Vivitrol that can be used to reduce cravings, make relapse less likely and most importantly almost eliminate the possibility of overdose. Aside from medication, there are other types of continued care that can help prevent relapse and provide support for recovering addicts.

This can be in the form of an outpatient program, therapy sessions, support groups or a sober living facility. Any of these options can greatly reduce the risk of relapsing and especially of a possible overdose.

Tragic Cases 

As we can learn from the tragic stories of celebrities like Cory Monteith, completing rehab does not always mean you are free from an addiction. Substance abuse can be a very complex disorder that requires lifelong support from friends, family and professionals.

Being aware of the dangers of relapse is important even for people who are very successful in their rehab programs and want to leave addiction behind.   


Jane Greeley is committed to helping people recover from drug addiction, currently she works as a Quality Improvement Manager for Addiction Treatment Advisors.

The Truth About Suicide, and Why We Should Talk About It

I have a hard time talking about suicide.  I don't like thinking about how many people have attempted to take their own lives or - worse - how many have succeeded.  I don't like recalling my own two prior suicide attempts; I'd much rather just forget it ever happened and be thankful I am alive.

But think about it or not, suicide is real.  And it's a prominent issue facing the world today.

People tend to say suicide is a selfish act.  I disagree.  Self-absorbed might be a more accurate word, as you may be unable to focus on anything outside of the pain you are in, but there is rarely a selfish connotation to the agony that drives a person to think about ending his or her life. Someone on the outside of this terrible thought process can easily say your life is not that bad, that you have plenty to live for.  But they don't live your life.  They don't know the struggles.  They see a fragment of your life, the book cover, the front.  If you dared show them the pages of your heart...would they even understand the language?  

“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”  

― David Foster Wallace

I was sixteen when I began having serious thoughts of suicide.  For months I wrestled with a non-stop depression that kept dragging me further and further down.  I felt dead already, only it hurt unbearably to have to still go through the motions of being alive.  I couldn't talk to anyone about it, and no one knew what was going on inside my head.  Not my teachers.  Not my parents.  Not even my best friend.  They witnessed me growing thinner, but they didn't know I had stopped eating because I saw no point in nourishing an already dead body anymore.  They noticed me withdrawing from friends, family and church, but they scarcely asked why.  I was alone.  Perhaps if I had reached out and told someone what I was going through, maybe I would have felt less alone, but the fear of not being understood kept me from it.  I just couldn't risk that, so I went through my junior year of high school in a fog, praying for God to take me out of the world.  I thought about doing it myself, but I was so afraid of going to hell for it.  Truth or not, it's the only thing that kept me alive that year.  I am grateful for fear and faith in those regards. 

The only outlet I had for my feelings during that time was writing.  I wrote a lot of poetry, among other things, and I assembled a book of my poems to show to some of my friends. I guess it was my meek way of crying for help, to show people the topic I was writing about - my death - in hopes that somehow someone might save me, make it all better, take out a magic wand and fix my mind.  Instead, they just kind of gawked, like "Whoa, Amy, that's crazy. Do you really feel like that?"  So I would laugh it off and pretend I didn't.  It was just some weird words I put together, I would assure them.  Nothing to worry about.  And I guess they believed me, or didn't care, or (more accurately) didn't know enough to care.  I was rarely an open book when it came to my feelings.  

But at night I would cry, and pray, and write.


I made it until age 26 before I downed a bottle of pills in hopes of leaving this world for good.  Fortunately, I threw most of them up before they did any damage, but word gets around in a small town.  It didn't help that I was a pastor's wife with two small children.  Honestly, what was I thinking to do such a "selfish" thing??  But that's the problem, folks.  When you reach that level of despair, you aren't thinking.  Not clearly anyway.  All you can see is an endless cycle, and there you are, alone or  - even worse - feeling like you would actually be doing the people you care about a favor by not being here anymore.  I loved my family, but I was drowning.  I didn't know how to keep afloat anymore.  I had just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  The doctor prescribed pills that only made my symptoms worse.  An extreme mania had led me to do something that tore my family apart, and the depression that followed made me believe I really didn't deserve to be alive.  I did what I thought was best for everyone.  Luckily, I didn't succeed.  I did get the "joy" of staying in a mental hospital for a few days though.  

My next attempt came a few years after that.  Another severe depression had lingered on for a drastic while, and on top of that I was in an abusive relationship.  I didn't want my two children to be a witness to that anymore, but I was also too afraid to leave because I had been threatened.  My fear mixed with depression led me to write a note to each of my daughters telling them how much I loved them and how sorry I was for what I was doing to them, and to never blame themselves for it.  I had learned from the first attempt not to take all the pills at once, but to space them out so I would be less likely to throw them up.  So I took a few at a time until I began to get very groggy.  One of my daughters (I was too out of it to know which one) came into the bedroom and asked if I was alright.  She apparently went and got my husband and he dragged me out to take me to the hospital.  My parents met us at the ER to look after my girls while they worked on me.  What a horrible thing for me to do.  Again.  

It has been about five years since that last attempt, and I am happy to say I have learned better coping skills since then, and I have a better support system.  I have a few people that I can be honest with and talk about my depression and thoughts of suicide with.  I have learned to remind myself, no matter how bad things are, I have reason to hang on.  But I won't lie to you.  I do have thoughts of harming myself at times. It can come on quite abruptly, in fact.  I have heard voices telling me to die, and I have had terrible visions pop into my head of graphic, messy ways of ending my life that I can't wash my memories of.  I would like to say I will never attempt suicide again.  I really hope that is the case!  But I can't promise it.  I don't know where my mind will take me, what lies I will believe at the worst moments.  I can only say that I am going to try my very best to keep on keeping on for the sake of my loved ones, and for the people out there that I know are going through the same thoughts.  We all have a reason to still be here.  I know it doesn't always feel like it.  I often feel more like a giant mistake than even the smallest importance to this earth.  But feel it or not, I know better.  And I want everyone else to know it too.  

Suicide has always been such a hush-hush topic.  If someone dies by suicide, there's a tendency to try to brush over those details.  There's a stigma around it, as if that person was weak for committing such a horrific act, or the people around him were ignorant for not noticing the signs and preventing it.  But neither idea is true.  

It breaks my heart to hear of so many young people dying by suicide.  A lot of the cases portrayed in the news revolve around bullying.  I was very fortunate in school in the fact that, though I was occasionally picked on, I was never a victim of excessive bullying. I was also never a person to bully others.  But I did witness it happening, and I was almost always too shy, too scared to defend the victim.  What if the bully came after me?  What then?  So I would stay quiet about it. Sometimes I would try to befriend the victim, to make them feel less alone, but if I could go back in time I would definitely try to do more than that.  I never knew anyone personally who committed suicide because of bullying, but it seems like nowadays it's a much more frequent happening.  This is alarming, for a number of reasons.  There are a lot of campaigns to stop bullying.  Many of them focus on preventing bullying from happening, on reporting anything you witness, etc.  I think those things are very important, but equally important is this:  we MUST talk to our kids about suicide.  They need to know that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  When we are young, or depressed, everything seems permanent.  That's why we are so quick to seek out an escape.  Some resort to alcohol or drugs, but these things will only prove to make the matters worse.  And suicide...that's forever.  We don't really think it through.  We think we do.  We think long and hard about how we'll do it, why we'll do it.  But we don't think about what happens next.  To the people we leave behind.  To the matters we leave undone.  Our thoughts are misconstrued by the overwhelming emotions coursing through our minds.  How can anyone make a logical decision with so much misery and chaos present?  

So that's why it's important to talk about it BEFORE it gets to that point. Work on creating a Safety Plan.  Find at least one other person, even if it's someone online that you have never met in person before, that you can be honest with about your thoughts and feelings.  Make sure this person is the type to comfort and not reinforce your thoughts of suicide.  Keep the number of a Suicide Hotline where it is readily accessible.  And be someone who others can talk to about their own thoughts of self-harm.  Communication is so important when it comes to decreasing the number of suicides.  It's not something to feel ashamed about.  It's not a sign of weakness, or selfishness, or sinfulness.  It's a sign that you are overwhelmed and need help.  And that is more common than you think.

So yeah, it's hard to talk about suicide.  But that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it.  It could save a life.  It could save a lot of lives.  It could save yours.  It could save mine.  

Is Your Employer Tackling Social Stigma in Your Workplace?

The 2010 Equality Act made it illegal to directly or indirectly discriminate against anyone with a mental health problem. Yet, it remains that, in 2013 people with mental health disorders feel there is still a social stigma. At times, this may be particularly evident in the workplace.

About one in every four people experience mental illness at some point in their lifetimes, whilst depression alone may affect one person in every twelve. Yet, there is so much about mental health that remains misunderstood by the majority of people. Employers can play a key role in helping all employees to a better understanding of mental health issues.

Today’s work place is not always conducive to good relationships. Many of us spend our days plugged into computers, or bent over solitary desks in isolated cubicles. Perhaps we only speak to another colleague at a vending machine. There is no doubt that a key way to prevent social stigma is to get to know our colleagues. Employers can work to help this by building in time during the working week when workmates can do this, and providing an environment, perhaps away from the immediate office surroundings, when such interaction can take place. We need to get to know our colleagues. Only then may the building of social barriers be prevented.

Employers need to care about personal issues, with an openness and awareness of employees’ needs. This is something that can come from regular meetings and is a very positive outcome from experiences such as performance management. Any good employee survey would be able to ensure that an enquiry as to the mental wellbeing of employees is a top priority.

Another proactive approach from employers is to consider the health packages they may offer employees. These should include the opportunity to receive counselling or have access to support therapy for those colleagues who need it. Furthermore, if an employee does need time away from work, then employers need to work hard to ensure that strategies are in place to manage a return to the workplace too.

Above all, employers need to be working hard to tackle the social stigma of mental illness and encouraging all colleagues to take an active role in combatting discrimination. Today may be a good day to think about what your employer is doing.

By: Heather Foley, Consultant

Quote of the Day

 “The mind can go either direction under stress—toward positive or toward negative: on or off. Think of it as a spectrum whose extremes are unconsciousness at the negative end and hyper-consciousness at the positive end. The way the mind will lean under stress is strongly influenced by training.” ―Frank Herbert

Top Tips For People Trying To Give Up Smoking

 License: Creative Commons image source 

Non-smokers often claim that giving up smoking isn’t that difficult and that anyone who is struggling to do it is lacking in self-control and will power.  However, from watching my girlfriend try and give up time and time again it’s easy to see that this is not the case. It doesn’t matter how strong you are as a person; addiction is addiction and it can be very difficult to shake in most cases.

Everybody will have their own advice about what worked for them but the truth is that everyone is different, and so there is no guarantee that the outlandish measure they took to help them quit will also work for you.

So for anyone out there who is committed to ridding themselves of something that drains their health and bank balance each and every day; here are some practical tips to help you along the way.

Pick Your Quit Time Perfectly –

Although you might be desperate to quit as soon as possible; there are good and bad times to do so. It wouldn’t be advisable to put your body through this process if you are already going through a stressful period such as moving house or having to take important exams. It’s best to choose a time when there isn’t much else going on in your life and therefore you can put all your energy and focus into giving up the cigarettes.

Don’t Keep It A Secret –

Some people believe that if they keep the fact that they are quitting to themselves then people will not keep asking them how it’s going and therefore reminding them of their smoking habit. However, going it alone can make it a lot harder and will mean that you won’t have anyone there to support you when it gets tough. Whether it’s someone from the NHS quitting service, a friend or a total stranger who is also giving up; it’s best to have someone you can talk to about your problems and who will also praise you when you have done well.

The NHS are running their Stoptober campaign again this year in which people attempt to give up smoking on mass throughout the month of October. This may be a great thing to get involved with as there will be plenty of other people in the same boat as you.

Remind Yourself Why –

At the darkest times during your attempt to quit you may question exactly why you are putting yourself through this torture, and that is why you need to create a constant reminder. Focus on the benefits that you will gain from not smoking and put measures in place so that you don’t forget these. This could involve writing it in big letters and putting on the walls of your home or simply putting the money you would normally spend on cigarettes aside so that you can reward yourself when you feel you have reached your goal. Either way it’s best to have a physical reminder of exactly why you are quitting.

Make Things Easier With Hypnotherapy –

Some people may be a little bit sceptical about hypnotherapy but it is a great way to help you break unwanted habits and replace them with ones that have the opposite effect. With will power alone this process is thought to take around 66 days but if you stop smoking with hypnotherapy you can achieve your quitting goal in a far shorter time. You will be taught techniques that help you deal with your cravings so that you don’t have to face the thought of wanting a cigarette long after you have weaned yourself off them. Breaking the habit of a lifetime is never going to be easy but effective hypnotherapy could be a vital tool in your bid to banish the cigarettes once and for all.

Chris Mayhew has never had to give up smoking personally but has helped other people through the process. He would recommend that anyone wishing to quit enquires about hypnotherapy from Fix My Mind.

Life in a Blender

The problem with rapid cycling is you just never know where you're going to be. You can't make plans. You can't be sure of anything. It's all up in the air, literally from minute to minute. You may be on top of the world at noon, feeling like you can conquer the universe and everything you do is brilliant. By 1, that whole universe has collapsed, and you are left at the bottom, feeling worthless and wondering why you even try. It never works out. Goals. Impossible. You never know who you are going to be, what you will think, how you will feel. This is life in a blender, blades spinning non-stop. You know you have to keep going, but you scarcely know what for.

How Does Depression Ruin You Silently?

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Depression may cause neurological alterations in the brain that result in physical, emotional as well as mental changes. The main causes of these changes are modifications in the neurotransmitter production such as norepinepherine and serotonin, and how the neurotransmitter receptor sites function. Many specialists refer to these changes as being signs of depression. They may include modifications in loss of appetite, fatigue as well as sleep patterns.

Stress Hormones

It is very important that you understand the connection between depression and stress. According to many specialists, chronic stress and severe acute stress might lead to signs of depression. The effects that it has physically are compounded by the stress response of the body. During this stress response, the adrenal glands of the body will secrete three very vital hormones known as cortisol, norepinephrine and epinephrine. These hormones are mainly responsible for the symptoms for when the body is in the fight or flight mode. Blood pressure and elevated heart rate, shunting of blood from organs to the brain and elevated blood glucose help the body respond to certain threats. The effects may include loss of appetite, anxiety, irregular and rapid heartbeat and dry mouth.

Blood Glucose

According to much research, prolonged depression and stress may affect the production of corticosteroids which might result into stress hyperglycemia. According to specialists, hyperglycemia may increase the incidence of poor wound healing, hypertension, kidney disease and neuropathy.

Immune System

Depression may weaken the body's immune system, generally the natural killer T-cells that are needed to assist in protecting the body from cancer-causing agents known as, carcinogens. An immune system that is weak will also affect the inflammatory response of the body. Specialists report that this effect from depression has been closely related with many increased incidents of autoimmune disorders, heart disease, asthma and osteoarthritis.

Cardiovascular System

According to many specialists from the American College of Cardiology, due to the releasing of endogenous catecholamines, also known as the body's stress hormones, this may cause an increased heart rate as well as vasocontriction. This may lead to an increase in the body's blood pressure making it necessary for the heart to work much harder. The common neurovegetative symptoms of stress or depression make it less likely for an individual to exercise, sleep or even eat properly. These behaviors will increase the risk of an individual developing a cardiovascular complication such as stroke, heart attack, atherosclerosis or high blood pressure.

Mood Changes

It is very common for a person that has depression to feel helpless and hopeless. Even if there are advantageous events in the individual's life, their depression will not allow them to improve on their mood. Another effect that depression has on the emotions is feeling worthless, in which the patient feels like they should hate themselves and that their life is worth nothing, not even living. The patient could also experience moments of feeling guilty, which may be accompanied by crying or sadness spells that have no real cause. Generally, the person that has depression has a very low level of mood. Moods that change very frequently could be a sign of depression.

Suicide

When both of these feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness increase, the patient may become suicidal. It is known that nearly 15% of the people, who live with depression, generally die from suicide. If suicidal behaviors or thoughts are common in the individual, it is best that immediate help is sought. If help is not looked for, the person may cause great harm to themselves, as causing harm to others isn't typically a symptom of depression.

Irritability

Another effect on the emotions due to depression is known as irritability. The person suffering from depression might become more agitated or irritated, which might be a great change in their emotions when compared with sadness that is generally associated with those that have depression. Being annoyed easily is another common symptom associated with depression. The person could also be found to be restless.

Author Bio:

In this article, Camia Sidle explains the different ways that depression can ruin the body silently. It is best that if you feel you have depression, you look into coaching or anger management counselling that may help you overcome your depression.

The First Step Toward Change

                                 

“You can't make yourself feel positive, but you can choose how to act, and if you choose right, it builds your confidence.” 

― Julien Smith

I challenge everyone reading this to look down deep into your soul and figure out why you do the things you do.  Why do you procrastinate?  Why do you pick fights with your spouse?  Why do you distance yourself from others?  Why do you never finish anything you start?  This exercise isn't about fixing anything-not just yet, anyway.  It's about getting to the root of the problem.  That's the only hope of every truly changing what you don't like about yourself. 

And then what?  After you have picked apart your inner skeletons, ask yourself what you would like to change.  If you find that you don't want to change anything, then so be it.  But I think 99.99% of us would like to change something.  Ask yourself what would happen if you did the total opposite of the thing you dislike.  If you binge eat, what would happen if you didn't binge eat?  What would you do instead?  Would the consequences be good or bad?  What if, instead of feeling ashamed of yourself for something, you openly admitted what it is you are ashamed of?  How do you think people would perceive you?  How is it different from how you feel about yourself now? 

Change is scary.  It's mind boggling.   It takes grueling amounts of effort, and even despite all those efforts, it is so easy to resort to old ways again.  There are numerous theories about how long it takes to make or break a habit:  some say 21 days, some say 30, some say more...perhaps it is different for everyone.  But truly, it takes a lifetime of daily choices-to do or not to do-and that can sound way too daunting for most of us!  But that hard work is good for us.  It gives us something to focus on, to work toward.  Trying and failing is still trying, and the only real failure is quitting. Keep trying and you will eventually meet your goal, in some form or fashion. The prize at the end may not be exactly what you hoped for, but oftentimes it's even better! 

Top 5 Excuses: Avoiding Treatment/Rehabilitation For Depression

FACT: Over two thirds of people with major depression never seek appropriate treatment for it at a rehabilitation center and sometimes, the consequences can be devastating. The World Health Organization ranks depression as one of the world’s most disabling diseases, being responsible for personal suffering, missed work, broken marriages, health problems, and even death. Yet, with proper treatment and rehabilitation at a clinic, over 70% of people with clinical depression improve in often a matter of weeks.

Using Excuses

There are many reasons why a person does not seek out treatment or rehabilitation at a clinic. Many try to deal with it on their own, often not with very good results.

“I’ll give it time, it’ll pass with time.” is one excuse. The blues that B.B. King sang about on “Live in Cook County Jail” – that passes with time. Clinical depression does not. It’s important not to let a depression linger and to seek treatment and rehabilitation at a qualified center as soon as possible. It may linger indefinitely, if not. There may also be a biological cause that, like other medical conditions, often requires treatment to control or heal it.

“I don’t want to take antidepressants.” is another excuse. Rarely, if ever, is a patient required to take a pill for the rest of their lives, yet this is a common concern amongst those refusing treatment and rehabilitation. Although antidepressants are effective against depression, treatment for depression doesn’t always involve medication. Psychotherapy or cognitive-behavioral therapy is often helpful. Merely examining emotions, thoughts, and behaviours to try and improve your quality of life is sometimes enough to eliminate a depression.

“I don’t feel sad all the time.” is what some say but the truth is that you don’t need to feel sad or cry all day to be clinically depressed. Muscle pain, sleeping problems, or fatigue – these are all signs of depression. There are times that these symptoms accompany sadness and other times, when they don’t.

It Is, Even When It Isn’t: Masked Depression

There is also a phenomenon known to doctors as a “masked depression” where instead of the patient feeling sad, they’re more likely to report apathy, not feeling like themselves, or a blunted mood. It may simply be a loss of pleasure from favourite activities. Treatment or rehabilitation at a proper center can properly address these issues and lay them to rest.

“I’m embarrassed to talk to my doctor about it.” is the excuse most commonly used by men. The shame that some feel accompany a mental health problem is enough to prevent them from seeking the attention they desperately need at a treatment and rehabilitation center. Depression however is a medical condition, much like diabetes or high cholesterol. It’s also extremely common, affecting over 19 million people in the United States every year. That’s almost 7% of the population and this is regardless of gender, age, race, religion, sexuality, income, or education. This affects us all.

Fear of Talking

 “I’m afraid of having to talk about painful subjects in therapy.” is an excuse that everyone understands. Certain events transpire in our lives that some would rather remain private and they don’t want to undergo any sort of probing examination of their psychological pain. Despite this, sometimes, these sorts of painful discussions are needed to begin healing in a treatment and rehabilitation center. In many cases, it doesn’t need to be anywhere as deep or as scary as one might think and therapists understand that it is difficult to open up to a stranger. They’re able to guide you through that process and a therapist will never push you to open up too quickly or at a level that you’re not comfortable with.

If you feel like you may be experiencing symptoms of depression and are using reasons such as these to avoid seeking proper help though a treatment and rehabilitation center, it is important to examine the possibility that you may need to seek help. It is a terribly difficult thing for those not accustomed to doing so and who were raised thinking that asking for help makes you look weak. Clinical depression is a medical condition that depletes your potential and may turn you into a person that you don’t fully recognize. Contact a treatment center or rehabilitation center today and overcome that first hurdle of asking for help. That first step is most important. The sooner that your condition is addressed by a professional, the quicker you it can be dealt with, and the faster it can be conquered. Don’t let it waste away another day. Make first contact today.

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•  License: Creative Commons image source 

This article was written by Byron Merone, who made plenty of excuses before seeking treatment/rehabilitation for his depression. 

What They Say About Me

Paranoia.  Insomnia. Mania, then depression, then mania, then depression. Mixed state.  Mixed state.  Mixed state.  An alright day.  Nearly sane.  Paranoia again.  The voices.  I see red balloons in the sky that no one else sees.  Depression. 

There's a reason I don't have many friends, and the ones I do have I keep at a comfortable, hundred mile distance from me.  I'm not right in the head, you see.  That's what they say.  I know they do.  Every time I start feeling really well and think, hey, I have this thing beat.  I could pass for the 2013 rate of normal.  It happens.  A snide comment.  A rumor I was probably not supposed to hear about, but it got back around to me anyway.  

Some of the rumors say I have schizophrenia.  This is a fair misconception, since I do have hallucinations and delusions at times; even the mental hospital tagged me with the diagnosis, later debunked by my regular psychiatrist.  Nope, it's bipolar with a tad of intermittent psychosis thrown in to keep things lively. Drizzled with a heavy syrup of anxieties: bon appetit!  But no, I do not have schizophrenia.  Thank you so much for bringing it to my attention that so and so thinks that I do.  Because their version of "crazy" only has one category and that is schizophrenia.  

I'm not saying there is anything more "shameful" about having schizophrenia than bipolar; I'm just saying get your damn facts straight! 

The big issue at hand, is why do they feel the need to talk about me anyway?  Did nothing awesome come on TV that evening, so they decided to giggle at the way I do dishes or how many times I have to wash my hands or how sometimes I can't get out of bed and ignore the phone ringing and wish I was dead?  Yeah, that's really funny stuff...

It's not just "friends". It's family.  It's neighbors.  It's friends of friends who have never even met me but have heard just enough to convince themselves that I should be caged away, or at least stay under a rock.  I'll try not to suck on it, Dr. Phil.  

The truth is, most days, I could pass for this theory of normal that the people who have never had to step inside a mental hospital or psychiatrist's office get to fluff themselves up with.  They sit in that hammock of mental security.  It could never happen to them.  Mental illness is ugly.  It's a deserved disease.  It's funny, or scary, depending on whether violence was involved.  No one "good" and "prestigious" gets it.  We're ranked on the bottom with the poor, which is a decent ranking since many of us, indeed, have poor economical assets due to our inability to work well in social settings part, if not all, the time.  And that fact tacks on another dirty word: lazy.  Yes, all us crazy people are lazy.  Twas the laziness that led to the craziness. Hallelujah.  Jesus could fix that, if you let him. 

And no, I mean no disrespect to Jesus, or any other religious figure.  But religion does get dragged into the arena of this subject.  Demon possession.  No relationship with God.  A falling away from the Lord.  No "crazy" person is a truly spiritual individual.  Crazy is a punishment, a consequence of a bad life.  That's what they say.  

Do they really exist?  Who knows, maybe they are just another delusion in my head.  But I bet you've heard them too.  And if you didn't hear them, maybe you saw their looks in your direction.  Perhaps you heard them laugh.  Did they shake their heads?  Did they pretend not to see you when they walked by?  Perhaps you don't exist at all.  You are your own delusion.  I certainly feel that way myself.  

It's a passive-aggressive form of bullying. Some who struggle with mental illness will never experience this.  They have a great support system around them that banishes all other outside forces of evil.  But many, many, many of us experience something a little more sinister.  We get asked stupid questions, which is okay because then we get the chance to set the facts straight.  Not that they listen.  More often, we just get talked about. 

Don't date that girl.  She's bipolar and crazy.

He isn't right in the head.  I bet he's going to shoot up a school building one day.

Did you see all the pills she took at lunch time?  God, she must be an absolute lunatic.

That was so selfish of him to try to kill himself.  He didn't even get it right.  I bet he just wants attention. 

Wow, she cries ALL THE TIME.  What the hell is her problem??  

I wonder how they would feel if the tables were turned.  If one day they woke up in these crazy suits we have to wear every day, and they had to live like that for 24 hours.  To feel what it's like to have a head chock full of too much and not enough, to have to try so hard to hide thoughts and behavior for fear of being  found out as having a mental illness.  To wear a mask, to be ashamed of their "weakness". To try so, so hard and still come up short at the end of the day.  

What would they say then?