New Therapist...Again

I went today to what I thought was going to be my next therapy session with the therapist I had met once before, but they had discharged me from their services since I had not been there in 3 months (which was because I was waiting for my regular therapist to come back from maternity leave; when I learned that she wasn't coming back I made an appointment with the other one). Anyhoo, today's appointment consisted of updating my file, basically like a whole new intake session, and meeting the other therapist that will be my new one. The lady is new and seems just as quiet and awkward as I am, so that could be a good thing or a bad thing...we shall see. I felt rather off in there and had to ask for some hand sanitizer after signing a few documents with their pen. Then, at the end of the session, the lady that is to be my new therapist reached over to shake my hand and I had to cringe through that and didn't want to use the hand sanitizer in front of her afterwards because I didn't want to be rude...so as soon as I got out of there I had to go wash my hands really well! Other than that, I managed fairly well in the room with two other human beings and I guess I am up for the challenge of YET ANOTHER THERAPIST (this makes number 6 in the past 7 years). Ah, the wonderful world of psychiatry and recovery. If you can survive the madness of the system, you can survive anything.

After my appointment, we went to see our cousin's new baby at the hospital (she's precious!) and then went to eat at Popeye's. I am proud of the fact that I made it all the way up until a group of men sat down at the table beside us before I had to take an anxiety pill. For me, all that social activity in one day and it taking that long for it to finally drive me to the prescription bottle is a nice little accomplishment!  It is my hope that returning to regular counseling will help me eventually get back to the point of being able to drive again and participate in social activities without debilitating panic attacks. As frustrating as the constant ups and downs of bipolar disorder are, I have to say that what holds me back the most now is my social anxiety. I would like to be able to join the living world and not be afraid of my own species. I have confidence that I can at least reach a ground of tolerance to the public (as I had before where I was able to drive and work and go to the store by myself-it was never easy, but at least it was doable). I just hope I can get back to that level of coping soon. For my children more than anything. I am tired of missing my girls' social activities and I don't want to put my son through the same.