2012

I think I am coming out of my depression. At least I feel more motivated to do things. I don't really have anything new to say today, but I was looking through On This Day posts on Facebook and found the following that I posted in 2012. I needed to read this today. It was a good reminder: 

I was just looking through old pictures of Jacen, from when he was a newborn. I can't believe how much he has grown! You don't realize how a child grows and matures when you see them on a daily basis. His face is becoming so much more defined, and he's slimming up a little because he's getting taller. It's hard to believe he has already been in this world for nearly as long as I carried him in my womb. I know I will blink and he will be 12 years old, like Kayley. It's easy to get bogged down with all the hardships of parenting at times. The non-stop diapers and feedings. The temper tantrums. The sleepless nights. As they get older, it's the whining and hyperactivity. Then it's the teen attitude and the rebellion. But I urge all parents to take a moment and reflect on the sheer beauty of your children, on all the things that make them special and unique. Hold on to that precious child, even when the "precious" part does not shine through. Cherish everything about being a mother or a father, and count yourself blessed to be in charge of something so fragile and important in this world. Children are only loaned to us for a short time. Some are taken sooner than others; some grow up and leave us for families and careers. I am convinced, though, that no matter where they are, no matter what they do, regardless of how many times they break our hearts or exasperate our tempers, they will always be that same newborn baby in the pictures...and when you think about the fact that all of us were a sweet little tiny baby at one point, it kind of changes how you look at the people around you. We all still want to be loved and accepted, just as we did as babies. We are all still fragile and important. Let's treat each other as such.

Standby Mode

I'm having some problems with depression this week, so I have fallen behind on reading blogs as well as failing to write on my own. Hopefully I will "snap out of it" soon. I'm just in survival mode right now, but I'm making plans to do some major spring cleaning around here. I just need the energy to do it. I think accomplishing this will significantly brighten my mood. Getting started is the hardest part.

Friday

I have been so tired this week. I'm always tired, but I have reached a level of tired that shouldn't even exist. I thought eating healthier and cutting out sodas and exercising would boost my energy. Apparently not so.

I went to the doctor a few days ago because I was having more bladder issues. Once again, no infection but lots of blood in my urine. The doctor mentioned interstitial cystitis as a possible cause of my symptoms but I will have to go to an urologist to find out for sure. My biological mother had bladder cancer so of course my hypochondriac self worries that I have it. I have all the symptoms. Thanks, Web MD. I should really be banned from that site.

Other than not feeling well, life is going pretty smoothly.

Chicken

Our library is having a writing workshop this evening and I have been planning to go to it for two months. But now that it's almost time for it I don't think I can. The thought of being around strangers makes me too anxious. Just call me chicken :(

I picked up a new stack of books to read a couple of days ago. One of them is about anxiety. Maybe it will have something helpful for me within its pages. I can only hope.

Good Start

I surprised myself this morning by getting up early, exercising, and putting supper in the crockpot, all by 9 a.m. Usually I don't get up until the pug makes me, which is usually between 8-9 a.m.  Getting up earlier made for a much less stressful start to the day.

Yesterday I taught Jacen about biomes and we made a model of the ocean. He labeled all the animals and plants after I took the picture.

Today he wanted to make a rainforest biome. This is what he came up with.

He had fun using his creativity on these. I have a feeling we will be making more biomes this weekend.

A Better Day

I had a bad mental day yesterday, but I feel much better today. I could barely function yesterday. I don't know what came over me. The joys of mental illness.

Last week we took my son for a hearing test, which is required to continue his speech sessions. He failed it, but the doctor saw a lot of wax in his left ear so we did drops to clear it out for a few days. Today he passed his second test, which I am very happy about. Now we just have to battle with insurance to get more speech lessons approved. He has improved a lot since he started going to the speech therapist but he still has some issues.

It is so rainy and dreary here today, I just want to sleep. But I have an appointment in a couple of hours so no nap today. I'm just glad I am stable and functional today. Maybe I can keep it that way.

The Obituary Writer

I just finished this one and it was so good! I need to stop reading books that make me cry lol But, truly, those are usually the best books. Tomorrow I am going to begin The Bright Hour. It is going to be sad too, I'm sure. I plan to spend tomorrow reading and napping and playing with my son. Happy Sunday to all!

Monday, I mean Saturday

I got up early this morning. We are taking our pug, Zilla, to the vet today for his 2 year check up. It's hard to believe he is already two years old. Well, technically not until the 24th.

This feels like a Monday. Why?

After the vet we are going to the library, which is typical for a Saturday. Today they are having Lego Day, so Jacen will enjoy that. Douglas signed him up for a STEM club that sends out a project each month. This month's shipment was a Robotis Play set. Jacen finished his first robotic creature yesterday, a dog. He was very proud of himself. I think he did great.

Old Problem Coming Back

I don't know why, but panic attacks have started being a problem for me again. Either that or I am having heart problems. Ever since my mom's heart attack I have a fear of having one. You know, because I needed something else to fear :/  Since my panic attacks mimic the symptoms of a heart attack, I always wonder if I'm really dying. These days I keep getting a heaviness in my chest and an overwhelming sense of doom. My anxiety med calms it eventually, but it's still so scary. Today I had it happen after I got home from the grocery store. There was also a bad storm right after we got home with potential for a tornado, so that didn't help. I am finally feeling a little better. Maybe I can eat some lunch now. I wish I knew what has triggered these frequent attacks. I guess when my counseling starts up again we can get to the bottom of it.