Fragile

 I feel so fragile tonight, and so alone. I know God is with me, and that is a tremendous comfort, but I wish I could reach out to my husband and be able to tell him how I'm feeling. The truth is, I don't really know why I'm feeling so bad. My anxiety has been really bad the past two days, but I've been trying my best. Tonight my BIL unintentionally hurt my feelings by telling me he didn't like what I cooked for supper. He was nice about it, but it still hurt since I've been trying to cook healthy stuff for him since he found out he has heart disease. I'm trying, but it just doesn't seem to be good enough. Trying to fix HIM something heart healthy while at the same time having something my mom likes that she can chew and swallow is hard. I made chili tonight with ground chicken instead of beef and we all liked it...except my BIL. I just can't seem to make everyone happy at the same time. It upsets me and kind of makes me mad too because they take for granted how hard I'm trying. I just want to throw my hands up and say screw all of you! But of course I can't do that. 

My COVID symptoms seemed to have disappeared again but depression has taken its place and I don't know which is worse. I just want a bottle of wine and a good cry and a great big hug from my husband. Is that too much to ask?

Tomorrow I'm supposed to try again with my diet. I don't want to fail again. I've GOT to get this right! I'm heavier than ever and I feel awful. I feel like such a failure, but I know I need to get out of my head and just keep to the rules of healthy eating and exercise. Why is it so hard for me?