No Time for a Nervous Breakdown

Last Night

I'm definitely calling my doctor tomorrow. I had a complete emotional breakdown followed by a panic attack this evening and I still feel awful. I am past the point of pretending I'm okay. I am 99% sure I need a meds adjustment. Too many bipolar symptoms going on to deny that. I'm exhausted so I don't feel like writing about it but I need some kind of outlet. As much as I wanted to I couldn't bring myself to wake up my husband to talk me through the fit of sobbing I had. He already deals with so much. I feel so alone even though I know at least my husband would try to be there for me. I just hate for him to see me so weak. I love him so much. Why should he constantly have to pick up the pieces I've scattered?

This Morning

I started to call my doctor but glanced through my planner and realized I don't have a free day to go there for at least two weeks. No time for a nervous breakdown. I don't know, maybe I can move something around... Things don't seem as urgent as they did last night.

Update: The earliest available appointment is August 9th. Better than nothing. Hopefully I won't get so bad off that I need hospitalization. I am feeling okay at the moment, except I keep seeing open doors everywhere I look. It's hard to pretend they aren't there. I know these doors aren't real but getting them to disappear is hard.