Guest Blogger Carrie Wampler: The Emotional Impact of Miscarriage

When I was asked to do a guest post regarding miscarriage, I readily agreed and figured I could whip up a post within a day or two. Three posts and two weeks later, I realized it wasn’t going to be that easy. I write several posts a day on my blog, so I didn’t understand why I was having such trouble writing this post. I then realized that my typical blog posts are light hearted. I usually blog about a new kitchen recipe or offer a fun product giveaway. Discussing the loss of my baby, though, isn’t lighthearted or fun. To be honest, I really have to dig deep within myself for the strength to write such a post as it brings up emotions and feelings that some days I would rather not experience. But I have also learned that discussing the loss of my firstborn is essential for me to grieve and move forward with life. It also gives me the opportunity to encourage and relate to other women who feel totally isolated due to a miscarriage experience.

My miscarriage happened just 4 short months ago. We were one of the few couples who got pregnant within the first month of trying. We were ecstatic and naively told people we were expecting just days after the two lines turned pink. I can’t pinpoint why, but in my heart from the beginning I just knew something didn’t feel right. Several weeks later, my gut instinct proved true as physical symptoms and poor blood work results confirmed I was losing my first baby. 

I didn’t know what to expect emotionally. The physical symptoms ceased within a week, but my emotions were just ramping up. One minute I would be crying, the next I would be lashing out in anger. I was frustrated with my roller coaster of emotions. I was frustrated that my body rebelled on me and caused my baby to die. I was frustrated with myself- was there something I could have done to have stopped it all from happening? 

 Others would try to comfort me, most to no avail. I know their intentions were good, but to hear them say that “I was young” and that “more children would come” just angered me. I didn’t care about other children at that moment; I just wanted that baby back. That baby was the one my heart instantly connected to when I saw the double lines. Regardless, the best comfort to me was the friend that simply hugged me, brought me my favorite chocolate bar and simply said “I am so sorry”. No other words were needed, because there really aren’t any words that can heal the pain the loss of a baby creates.

 I named my baby. Some find that odd as I wasn’t even far enough along to know whether it was a boy or a girl- but I named it Mizpah. Mizpah means ‘watchtower’ and comes from the old testament bible verse that states “The Lord will watch between me and you while we are separate from one another”. I take great comfort in my baby’s name and its meaning, and the connection I feel with my baby will last forever.

You can read more from Carrie Wampler at croutonscorner.com