Pardon the Delay

I apologize for not updating the site in several days. I am recovering from mental and physical fatigue and will be adding more content within the next few days. Thank you for your patience.

"I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship."  ~Louisa May Alcott

The Human Cycle

Sometimes I wonder if the true art of living is not a matter of finding what you want out of life but rather an act of plucking out all the things you don't want, and accepting what's left.

I wonder why we feel like we have to live for anyone other than ourselves, why we choose paths that reflect what's expected of us, branded on us, while disregarding our true passions.

I wonder how many of us die never knowing who we are, or who we could have been, only leaving the fragments of what we thought we "should" be. 

I think to truly love others you have to first learn to see yourself in them and to treat yourself with the grace you deserve and let that grace linger throughout those around you.  If you judge yourself you will judge others. And I think that's why there's so much hate in the world.  Because we hate ourselves and we take it out on everyone around us. 

Furthermore, we have a tendency to judge the things we don't understand.  Because it confuses us we think the only solution is to undermine it, criticize it, destroy it, or simply ignore it. 

It's such a terrible act of degression among all the "accomplishments" of our day.

Guest Blogger Angel Jarrard: Fear of Life

I have never been in the military, so when I was told I had PTSD I thought my doctor was hitting his drug supplies! Only soldiers shot at in a war get that, right? The only time I have heard the term it was used to describe veterans of the past wars at a nursing home I worked at. I had to have it broken down for me. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can affect anyone who has had a very traumatic experience. I've had two! My son passed away at 3 years old and I was in a relationship for 5 years with a guy who wasn't just a wife beater but also a sociopath.

 I have a hard time leaving my house alone. I panic when men are around me other than my brother and my husband. The grocery store is too big and doesn't have enough exits. I used to not be able to leave my house at all. My body would be ripped apart by panic attacks because I had to check my own mail box. I'm much better now; I can go outside alone for longer than 10 minutes before I have to retreat back into the safety of my house. It's horrible when you don't sleep because you go through constant rounds of checking windows, door locks, windows, door locks, windows, doors, windows, doors, never ending all night. And it doesn't end when the sun comes up. I'm constantly checking the doors to make sure they are locked. If I leave my house I am always afraid I will run into the individual who is still stalking me. I never feel safe from him. Even law enforcement has told me there isn't much that can be done. I can understand how soldiers would jump at loud booms, because when a male voice is raised around me in anger or unexpectedly, I pee my self! Do you have any idea what it's like to be a grown woman who pees her pants?

 I didn't think it had any effects on my kids. I mean, many women have man issues, right? I was wrong. I am terrified when my kids are out of my sight. I start to worry about who is around them; what if they are hurt and I'm not there to help them? What if one of them is sick and I don't know? What if one of them falls and gets hurt and they can't come get me? I can't let them out of my sight without having a panic attack. My husband makes me let them go to their friends' houses and go to sleepovers. I'm terrified of losing another one. I don't think I could survive that. My son passed away in my arms and when I gave him CPR it didn't work. I worry that if another one needed it I wouldn't be able to do it.

 I can't take the anxiety medicine because it makes my symptoms worse! I don't like that disconnected feeling it gives me and I worry that it's going to make me sleep too deeply to hear a cry for help. I try to use situational therapy to learn to handle the panic in situations that for most is normal everyday life. But sometimes unexpected things happen and I panic. I can be in the waiting room and the only available seat is far from my only exit. Or while I am ordering a man enters and gets between me and the door. I love drive-thrus! Panic attacks are debilitating; you can't catch your breath, your vision narrows down to a pin point and you can't focus, and your heart beats so fast that your chest feels like it will explode! Your mind is your worst enemy during a panic attack. Every irrational thought that you could have starts to run through your head.

Where You Are

I have grown to realize that when I feel the lowest I tend to also consider myself to be at my weakest. Yet, it takes strength to admit that I am weak; it takes force and courage to continue to try when I feel too broken to do so. Therefore, it is not truly weakness, but simply an alternate realm of strength, much like a generator kicks in when the electricity goes out. When everything is running properly again, the electricity will go back to doing the same job it was doing before. Until then, it's okay to rely on the reserve. That's what it's there for.

With mental illness, there are always going to be power outages within us from time to time. It is not weakness to rely on someone else to carry the load, or to admit you need time to recuperate and take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't feel guilty for needing more rest, or time alone, or for someone to stay with you when you are feeling unsafe. There is no shame in illness. One of my favorite quotes comes from Theodore Roosevelt. He said "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."  I come back to this quote quite frequently because it reminds me that I may not always have the same level of ability, or the best of circumstances, or even the right frame of mind to function as well as I would like at all times. But no matter where I am, I am capable of something. I can keep trying. I can keep surviving until I feel better, until brighter days break through (and they always do eventually), and then I can work at full capacity again. And you can too.

-Amy Purdy

Accepting Limitations

"If you accept your limitations you go beyond them." ~Brendan Francis



How often do you take on too much and then find yourself swamped and overwhelmed and on the verge of mental catastrophe? If you are anything like me, the answer is frequently! I blame mania for a lot of it. I feel like I can do anything and everything during those times. I begin several projects, make promises to people about things I will do for them, and make plan upon plan upon plan, fully elaborated in notebooks full of written out schedules and ideas. I pay attention to every detail, to the point that I don't really accomplish any real work. My mind is racing too fast to settle down and focus on completion of anything. Everything begins to spin faster and faster. More ideas! More promises! More illusions of what I am truly capable of. Suddenly, it's a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, and I'd give anything just to make it all go quiet and leave me be. And then I crash. And when I crash post mania, I crash hard.

The people closest to me are always telling me, "Amy, you've got to slow down. Prioritize. Focus on what is really important, and let the rest of it go." I don't think they realize how difficult that is for me. For one thing, I don't really know how to prioritize. It all seems important to me! But then I have to take a deep breath and think about what my job really is. I am a homemaker and a mother. Keeping my young son physically and emotionally taken care of is my most important job. Making sure everyone is fed is my job. Keeping the house off Hoarders: Buried Alive is my job. Writing is my hobby, and I have two books under way that mean a lot to me. Likewise, this website is very important to me, because I want to help others who struggle like I do. But I get too intense about it at times. I let it take precedence over everything else. I have all these ideas on how to orchestrate it better, to make it bigger, to make it absolutely awesome. But if I let my writing projects get in the way of my home life, it becomes a problem. As much as I want to take my writing to a more serious and job worthy level, it has to remain a hobby for now. That is the limitation I personally have to accept for now. To take on any more, especially right now with my moods and anxiety being very unstable, is to risk a full blown nervous breakdown. I have been there before, and I don't want to go there again.

The key to accepting your limitations is to find out what they are! You can't draw lines if you can't see where to draw them. To understand your limitations, think of  what normally holds you back. What do you consider your weaknesses to be? For me, I am not good at multitasking. I have to take one step at a time or I get overly stressed. Your limitation may be similar, in which case it would not be wise for you to plan a baby shower for your best friend and have a big assignment due around the same time at work.

One of the hardest lessons is learning to say no. People will ask you for favors, your boss will ask you to work overtime, your kids will want to sign up for every sport and extracurricular activity under the sun. Decide what you can feasibly say no to, and carve out time to do the things you have to. Always ask yourself the following:

• Do I really have to do this?
• What are the consequences if I don't do this task, or put it off to a later date? 
• How can I pace myself with the tasks I need to complete before a certain deadline in a way that I avoid becoming stressed? 
• What is the reward for completing this task on time? 

The answers to these questions will vary depending on the situation. Some things will be easier to give up than others. At no point are you a weaker person for accepting your limitations. You are only one person, and let's face it, Bipolar Disorder makes things a little harder for us than for the average person. Our concentration and memory are affected, and so is our level of energy and ability to cope with stress. These limitations do not make us less of a person, and we can still accomplish great things in life. We just have to find a happy medium between productivity and peace of mind.

-Amy Purdy

Guest Blogger Liam Tarry: "How Do I Know I'm Depressed at Work?"

Do you count down the days to the weekend? Do you get that feeling of dread every Sunday evening? Do you sit in your chair, watching the clock, willing 5:30 to come so you can escape the drudgery of the office and get home? If so, chances are you're unhappy in your job. But how can you tell if you are just unhappy, or if you're depressed? In this article, a provider of employee satisfaction surveys at ETS will look at some symptoms and come up with a few coping strategies.

#1 - Weigh Up Your Situation

The first step in working out whether or not you are unhappy in your job or if your job is making you depressed is to weigh up your whole situation. Can your low mood be attributed solely to your job, or are there other life factors at play? If you leave the office only to be confronted by yet more problems, your job is probably only part of the problem. If you have life circumstances which are getting you down, only you can manage them. It's important to remember that depression can be treated - it is a mental illness which affects many of us in our lives and there is help out there.

#2 - Are You Holding Down Your Job?

Depression is a medical condition which often requires medication, or at least some form of counseling. But if you are managing to hold down your job and turn up, day in, and day out, your level of depression is probably less severe. If you can't work at all, chances are you are more severely depressed. Mild or moderate depression is almost always about suppressed anger. If you are managing to get to work every day and fulfill your job requirements, you're probably just unhappy in your job - so it's time to find a new one.

#3 - Does Your Job Fit Your Personality?

Believe it or not, many people don't actually enjoy their jobs. Not because they don't get satisfaction from them, but because they don't fit their personality type. Think about it - if you are a people person who gains satisfaction from helping others, then sitting behind a desk all day writing reports and answering the phone won't fit your personality type. This could be making you unhappy - but the fact you're doing it says you're not depressed. On the other hand, if you are in a job where you are constantly stressed out and you physically can't deal with this stress, then chances are you are depressed.

#4 - Understand Your Mind

One thing you need to understand that is more important than anything else is that all depression is in your mind. Unhappiness at work can be caused by a horrible boss, horrible colleagues or undue stress of deadlines. Depression however is not caused by anything external - it is all in the mind. You might like to think that depression is caused by a horrible boss but it is actually caused by your inability to deal with that horrible boss. Happiness is in the mind. And we control our mind. Make sure that you start working with your mind. Understand that work is not permanent, and that it will pass, and you'll be on your way towards recovery.

#5 - Find a Coping Strategy that Works

If you are depressed at work, you need to find a coping strategy which works for you. Perhaps it's by changing your diet, drinking more water, getting a bit of fresh air, taking regular breaks, ditching the coffee or just learning to smile more. If you're managing to even hold down your job, you may be depressed but not to the extent where you can't even bring yourself to get out of bed in the morning. Try and do something you enjoy and get your mind off the daily 9-5 and your symptoms will start to improve in time.

So there you have it, five simple ways of working out whether or not you are unhappy at work, or if your job is causing your depression. If you are unhappy, it could be a case of just finding a new job in order to feel better. If you are depressed, then getting a new job won't cure it. Seek some medical advice and let your employer know - chances are if you are open and honest they'll be more sympathetic to your situation. It could take time, but depression can be beaten. Good luck.


-Liam Tarry

Upcoming Book

I apologize for the removal of the parenting series from this site. Per several requests, I will be compiling a more in depth book about the subject of parenting with bipolar disorder. I will keep everyone up to date on my progress and TBA publication. Thank you for being a loyal reader. Expect more articles to be available on Bipolarly very soon!

Guest Bloggers

I am looking for guest bloggers to add useful content to my site, www.bipolarly.com. Acceptable subjects include bipolar disorder, depression, stigma, and other mental health issues. I will select submissions that present an encouraging and unique perspective on women living with mental illness. I am also interested in the viewpoints of adult children who grew up with a bipolar parent, caregivers, and social workers.Your post may be derived from your own personal experiences or based on accurate research (sources must be cited appropriately). There is no minimum/maximum length for your post, but I prefer for submissions to be between 300-2,500 words.

I will also be adding a fiction/poetry section to my site in the near future.  I will be looking primarily for works that deal with mental illness and/or are written by someone with a mental illness. There is no minimum length requirement; maximum is 3,500 words.

You may submit up to three pieces for consideration per month.

Submission Guidelines

• Send your submissions to neuroticone13@yahoo.com. Be sure to write "Bipolarly Submission" in the subject line so that I will easily spot your email. If your piece is fiction, please label it as such in the subject. Include the post in the body of the email itself, or as a .doc attachment.

• Your post must be original, free of plagiarism, and never published before on the Internet. Be sure to quote your sources correctly, if applicable to your content.

• If your post is accepted, you must agree to not publish the post anywhere else (i.e., in your own blog or as a guest post in other blogs).

• Before you submit your work, check for spelling and grammatical errors. A mistake here and there is forgivable, but if I can't understand what you are trying to say it will not be considered for publication. I reserve the right as editor to repair minor problem areas, such as spelling, grammatical, and structural errors. An edited copy will be sent to you for approval before it is published.

• Submissions that include offensive language or derogatory speech will not be considered.

Grief

I had originally intended on finishing part one of the parenting series I am writing (coming soon, I promise!) and sharing it with my readers today, but I ended up spending most of the day in bed. The culprit? Depression, made more severe by the loss of my fiance's aunt. She had been battling cancer for the last year and a half, and early this morning she laid down her sword. I had the pleasure of meeting her a couple of times when she was well enough to travel to Georgia, and I instantly loved her as my own aunt. She had a great personality-the perfect mix of intelligence, kindness, and humor-and I admired her optimistic attitude throughout her struggles with cancer. She began going downhill quite rapidly a few weeks ago, so it was no surprise to hear of her passing; in fact, the news came as a relief due to the heartbreaking condition she was in. She was not really living anymore. Now she is free, and her family is left with memories...and grief.

What is grief?  Besides the intense sorrow that results from the loss of a loved one, what other feelings make their appearances? How long will grief last? People that say they have moved on and no longer feel any stages of grief-are they telling the truth?

For me, news of anyone's death still brings me back to the grief of losing my dad. I think this recent death especially brought it home for me, since he died from cancer as well. That was over three years ago, and I have reached a point where most days I can reflect on happy memories and believe wholeheartedly that trudging on with the intent of becoming the best I can be is the greatest way to honor my father. Yet, hearing of another death from cancer brings back a flood of emotions for me, and today I have failed to see the silver lining to all these wonderful people dying from a terribly painful and unpredictable disease. I feel helpless, and empty, and angry. I'm angry that this has to happen to people. Angry for the ones who have to live on after their loved one has died. Angry at the prospect of a God that would allow this, and angry at the prospect that there is no God at all. I'm angry at everyone, whether it makes sense to be angry at them or not. I haven't wanted to speak to anyone today. I have wanted to sleep and forget this awful world and all the pain that it sheds on us. I have wanted to die myself, in the place of my fiance's aunt, just as I wanted to with my dad. I am angry that I am still here, and they are not.

Grief makes you feel a lot of strange things, and everyone feels it differently. Stages of grief will vary in length and substance, but according to the Kübler-Ross model, there are five stages that you will most likely experience. PsychCentral.com provides a brief overview of The Five Stages of Loss and Grief.

My theory is, once you lose someone really close to you, grief will never be an entirely closed case. Acceptance does eventually come, if you allow it, and most memories will begin to bring a sense of peaceful reflection instead of hurt and regret. But some memories will still bring suffering, and occurrences in our lives may trigger a revisiting of the grief we thought we had finally lived down. It is natural, albeit painful, to relive the loss again and again. It is crucial that whatever feelings well up are fully acknowledged without guilt or self-sabotage. I think one of the most destructive, yet common, reactions is to bottle it all up. By suppressing the mind's natural response to an event the healing process is delayed, and it stands to reason that something that is never allowed release will not disappear on its own, and will instead contribute to an unhealthy amount of stress.

Keep in mind, the expression of emotions is also different for everyone. Just because someone does not cry does not mean they are not sad or hurting. Likewise, forcing yourself to cry because you assume that is what is expected of you does not determine how upset you are, and it will not likely help you on your personal journey through the healing process. Some people will need to be alone for a while; some will need to be surrounded by friends and family. Some will speak tearfully of the deceased; others will crack jokes and try to provide comedic relief. Some will need to stay busy; some will need to rest and take things slow. Some will yell and break things. Some will act like the person is still alive and talk to them. Some will do all of these, or none of these, and however odd or seemingly inappropriate one's behavior is following a death, it is vital to understand that it is perfectly normal to express grief in whatever way comes naturally. One must be respectful of others in their methods of grieving; it may not be in your best interest to show up drunk to your relative's funeral and make loud comments throughout the service. It is just as important not to criticize someone else for the way they express grief.

As mysterious as death is, the one certainty is that we will all experience it sooner or later, and almost all of us will lose someone to death at least once in our lives. The severity of grief will vary according to how close you were to the person and how you typically handle the subject of death, as well as what beliefs you have regarding what happens after life. The type of grief will be different depending on losing a child or a parent, a friend or a spouse. The manner of death will also create a variance in grief; whether the death was sudden or unexplained, or if the death was a result of a long term illness; from natural causes, an accident, murder or suicide.

Different circumstances will result in different emotions, and a grief counselor and/or a support group is a great way to learn to express and accept the wide range of emotions that will likely ensue. My therapist helped me tremendously after the loss of my father. Writing about your feelings is also an excellent form of release. So are listening to music, taking up a hobby, and exercise. Seek comfort in any form, as long as it is not harmful to you or others. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.

Tuesday's Topic: Fighting Stigma

Cast from shackles which bound them, this bell shall ring out hope for the mentally ill and victory over mental illness.
—Inscription on Mental Health Bell

In 1949, Mental Health America launched its first Mental Health Week, which eventually transformed into May being Mental Health Month. History of Mental Health America notes the past century of strides that have been made in order to improve mental health care and increase awareness.

When faced with the daily struggles of mental illness, it is easy to get caught up in our own challenges and ignore the world outside of our troubled mind. Moreover, with stigma still being a prominent aspect of mental illnesses, we have a tendency to seek protection of our private lives through withdrawing or putting on a mask of "normalcy" to hide what we are going through to the people around us. I did this for years, ashamed of the broken part of me, fearing it would rob me of everything-friends, family, career-if I let it out into the light. Slowly I began to realize I was only making my condition worse. By trying to live a life full of secrets and excuses, I was no happier than letting people know why I act the way I do. By coming out of the Bipolar closet, so to speak, I've made myself vulnerable to personal attacks from-let's say it together-ignorant people who will claim that mental illness is just sin or an excuse or a weakness of character. But, allowing myself to face these attacks head on, I have opened up an opportunity to educate and show compassion to others who are dealing with the same struggles I face. I am a very private person, and I have never been one to flamboyantly proclaim anything of personal nature, so "coming out" was hard for me, but my desire to help others led me to realize there are more important things than my pride. I slowly began talking about Bipolar Disorder and my struggle with the illness, and in March of this year I decided to begin this site. I went all out and created https://www.facebook.com/Bipolarly and-gasp!-invited my entire friends' list from my personal Facebook page to join! I'm sure some thought it was stupid. Some probably think I must really be nuts. Others may think it's a ploy for attention. But I will tell you why I did it: I did it because I know what it's like to feel all alone. I know how isolated this illness can make us feel, and no one should have to do it alone.

In the very short time I have had my site and Facebook page open to the public, I have received numerous emails from individuals who have been diagnosed with depression, bipolar, or anxiety disorders, and from people who have been able to relate to something I have written but have never been diagnosed. This thrills me, not because there are more people suffering, but because we are forming a bond of knowledge and of hope. It is truly liberating to help others feel less alone, and it helps me as well, to know I am not alone. It is a small step, but none-the-less a step in the right direction to combating that nasty little word, stigma.

My challenge for you this month is to think of ways you can use your own experience with mental illness to reach out to others, and take a personal stand against stigma.

For more ideas, visit the following sites:
Fight Stigma
Educate Others
Take Action

Discuss below ideas for fighting the stigma of mental illness. How have you been affected by stigma? What would be the pros and cons of discussing your illness with friends, family, coworkers, etc?