That mixed state yesterday turned into a horrible breakdown with suicidal thoughts and halfway plans. I almost called the Suicide Hotline but I was afraid they would call the cops to my home. Thankfully, I got through it without any regrettable actions and I had a good talk with a friend afterwards and she helped me a lot because she understands what it's like. I also had another good friend tell me that the hotline is actually helpful, that they mainly just listen and let you vent out what's going on. So I will keep that in mind for the next time. I am so thankful for these two friends. They probably saved my life.
Then, during the night my mom fell and her blood sugar dropped dangerously low. It was 25 when the paramedics got here. They couldn't get it stabilized here so they took her to the hospital. They did an MRI and stuff because we weren't sure if she had hit her head (she couldn't respond to us at the time). Thankfully everything looked fine with her head and no broken bones, so as soon as they got her blood sugar stabilized they sent her home. She is okay now. Today is her 71st birthday, by the way.
After such an emotional time, and barely any sleep, I have surprisingly felt calmer today. Still depressed and barely able to function but my mood is a little more hopeful and I am not having suicidal thoughts. I've tried to relax as much as possible and it has helped. My MIL sent us supper via Door Dash so I didn't have to worry about trying to cook. That was a huge help to me. After so many horrible days, I consider today a good one.
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