Working Through Roadblocks

I have not posted a new article in several days. Considering I've been at this Bipolarly thing for less than a month, how ludicrous of me to skip nearly a week without publishing something-anything-on here! My excuses are:

1. I have a baby, and he's rather self-centered. He is under the impression that I, being his mother, should center all- read that as A L L in spaced out capital letters-of my attention on him 24/7. It does not matter if he is just sitting there looking cute, or is grunting out a massive poop in his pants, or is trying to chew a hole to China via his playpen, my eyes should be on him, not the computer screen. And that is reasonable, sure. He is, after all, the most adorable baby I have ever feasted my eyes on, even when he is making that grunty poop face, or even when he is screaming out his disappointment in me because oh my god I took my eyes off of him for one minute to go to the bathroom (he fails to understand why I can't just poop my pants like he does). I am slowly getting him to realize that I still love him even if I leave him to his own (safe, of course!) devices here and there, but it is a slow process. I am proud of him for allowing me to write the previous paragraph without crying out for me. 
2. Depression. For those of you who have experienced depression, I need not go any further in explanation. In fact, the #1 and #3 of this list will not even seem necessary. I began this site in a passionate mania-induced state, and if I had stayed in that realm I'm sure there would be 99+ articles written by now. But the reality is, I have Bipolar Disorder, and that means what goes up must eventually come down, and for me those come-downs are abrupt and severe. Just the other night I was considering canning the whole site and pretending it never existed. Who am I to add another site about Bipolar Disorder to the other million trillion already out there when I can't even function enough to get out of bed some days, let alone write something that makes half a lick of sense?? But I vowed to myself when I started Bipolarly to stick with it for at least a year, and not just because I've paid for a domain name for that long, but because I have a vision of helping people. If something I write can give hope to one person, then it's worth it. And that is why I did not hit the delete button that night, and why I am trying so hard to write through the fog in my head at this moment. Even in the grips of depression, I know I still have a job to do. I may suck at it, but I owe it to everyone to at least give it my all, just in case someone out there needs to hear exactly what I have to say.
3. Vertigo. I'm not sure if it is an ear infection or what, but it's making sitting up quite difficult. I am gripping the side of the chair with one hand as I type this. I blame the neighbors for cutting their grass this week. It must have kicked up a despicable amount of pollen.

I am the queen of excuses, by the way.

The truth of the matter is, life happens. No matter what we set our mind to do, manic or not, there are going to be obstacles. Some will be as cute as babies, and others will be as ugly as depression, but it is important to resist the urge to throw your hands up and walk away. Everyone has struggles to overcome, but it is my observation that mental illness (which is a struggle within itself) makes us a little more prone to frustration and fatigue than the average person. Some of us also tend to be perfectionists (surely not I!) and give in to the belief that if it isn't done right the first time in congruence with our own personal standards then it's not worth doing at all. We don't allow ourselves setbacks or failures. But guess what! Sometimes you will have setbacks. Sometimes you will fail. When those failures occur we have two options: get back on the horse, or wallow in the dirt. Try viewing those obstacles as learning blocks, rather than stumbling blocks. I can learn from things that go wrong. I can figure out new ways of doing things. It's not easy, and there's never a promise of success with anything, but often success is not in the outcome; it's in the process.

Perhaps you have reentered the workforce after being out of commission for a while due to your illness. If you have an altercation with someone or your performance is criticized by your boss, you are likely to feel like you aren't ready for the job world yet, or that you will never be able to function well in society again...

Maybe you joined the gym, all pumped to get into shape, but after two weeks of diligent workouts you skip a day, and then another, and another. You decide at this point it's not worth the effort. You feel like you will never be able to stick to anything you want to do...

Maybe you are considering dating again after a break-up or divorce, but you fear you will never be good enough for someone to want to spend his or her life with. After all, you feel like it's your own moodiness and flaws that always causes the problems in your relationships... 

These and many other scenarios may apply to your current situation. Faced with the experience of past failures and the fear of future failures, it's easy to see why you don't want to try again. What's the use, right? But we've gotta stop thinking that way! Instead, we should try seizing the small victories along the way, and strive to keep our heads above water at all times. Why, you ask? Because we're worth it! You may not believe this, but you are an important individual. You have thoughts and ideas that no one else has. You have gifts and talents that are unique and useful in one way or another. Your influence is crucial to the ones around you, and your participation in daily life makes a difference in ways so tiny you may not see them, but it's a difference none-the-less. To cease your efforts would be a detriment to all. It would be a waste. And none of us belong in the wastebasket.

So keep trying. Keep failing if that's what it takes, but know that all failures are still a success of some sort. The only real failure is not trying.

Don't believe me? Ask Michael Jordon: "If you're trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them; everybody has had them. But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Good ol' Mr. Jordon also said "I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can't accept not trying."


I think he would know a thing or two about success, eh? 


Or perhaps you would rather take advice from a Pixar character: "“When life gets you down, you know whatcha gotta do? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming.” (Dory from Finding Nemo)


The bible has something to say about keeping at it too: “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Romans 5:3-4)

So there you have it. Take it from me, Michael Jordan, Dory, or God-whoever you feel has more credibility. The fact is, we all believe in you. So believe in yourself. And keep swimming!