Day One

Day one of weaning myself off sodas. I had half of a can this morning but that is it (I usually have two or three per day). I'm already feeling the ill effects of withdrawal. My head hurts and I'm even more tired than usual (if that's even possible). I hope saying goodbye to sodas will help with my bladder and kidney issues, as well as help me lose weight. I ate pretty well today. No exercise yet, but I will start that up after the withdrawal phase. Baby steps.

Health Goals

I must must MUST lose some weight! My back and feet say so! I have been more active the past week (cleaning, helping Mom with stuff, cooking for the holidays, etc.) and I feel it in all my joints and muscles. I hardly sit down anymore, so maybe that weight will start coming off soon. I am going to the grocery store tomorrow for healthy food. We got a little off track with our eating goals due to Thanksgiving and leftovers. But it's time to really focus on good health habits. I threatened Douglas not to bring home junk food. Mom asked me to buy her some ice cream but I told her no. She didn't like that. It's for her own good, though. Not only did she just have triple bypass, she's also diabetic. So no. No ice cream. I have my own addictions to deal with too. Like sodas. I dread the detox from them but it has to be done. It won't be pretty for a few days. I'm really determined to stick with a healthy diet this time. I'm ready for the hard work.

Falling

Mom has been home a week and she's already fallen in her room. Thankfully, Douglas was home so he picked her up without damaging her incision. I'm glad it happened in her room where there is plush carpet. Her shoulder hurts but it's not broken or anything. She may end up with a bruise. Hopefully that's all the excitement for today.

Inadequacy

I haven't really accomplished much today. I took some "non-drowsy" medicine for my sinus issues but I've been sleepy from it anyway. I did get the table cleared off that I am putting the Christmas tree on. It had a bunch of books and homeschool materials on it. I cleared out a shelf on the bookcase and arranged them there. I found a new place for the cookbooks I moved from the bookcase. Voila! Clean table. I'm about to get the tree out (just a 4 ft this year) but I don't feel like tackling that hellish closet so ornaments will be for another day.

School was challenging today. Jacen did not want to cooperate. He has days like that but it's extra annoying when I already don't feel well. We made it through Language Arts and Social Studies at least. 

I'm feeling a little glum. I think it's just the sickness. I'm feeling kind of inadequate with taking care of my mom and son and the house and the dogs. Many people have far more on their shoulders than I do, but because of my mental illness I don't do well with a lot of responsibility. I can't multitask and I get stressed easily. We had a physical therapist here this morning and an occupational therapist this afternoon. It makes me anxious to have people in our house. I will just have to get over it, though, because it's going to be like this for a while.

A Busy Day

I had planned to rest today, but I think I have been even busier than I was all last week. I had a lot of errands to run this morning. Mom hasn't felt well so she has needed extra help today. I had a lot of catching up to do with Jacen on the school front. Ozzy got loose in the great outdoors but thankfully he came back home. He found the ham bone I threw out :)  Tomorrow I am going to try to start decorating for Christmas. I dread dragging it all out of the crammed closet. I want to get that closet organized this week. We'll see how that goes.

It's Over

This year's Thanksgiving was a success. All the food turned out great. It was nice seeing everyone, even though I am mentally and physically worn thin. I would take a nap but my daughter is leaving around 6:30 p.m. so I want to spend the time with her. Who knows when I will see her again. I learned that she had her first boyfriend (they dated for a month and broke up) and a couple of other things I didn't know. I miss so much in my daughters' lives :(   All I can do is try to keep communication with them (much like pulling teeth) and enjoy the rare moments I have with them. But how I wish for more.

Happy Holidays

Feeling sluggish. I have two more things to cook today (if I can find room in the fridge to put them). And so, so many dishes to wash!

Our full menu is turkey, ham, dressing, mac & cheese, corn casserole, broccoli casserole, sweet potato souffle, green beans, homemade cranberry sauce, potato salad, deviled eggs, rolls, key lime cake, and banana pudding. Enough to feed a crowd, for sure!

The home health nurse came today. They are setting Mom up to have weekly visits for physical and occupational therapy. I'm glad the house was fairly clean because I did not expect the nurse to come today. We also had some company for a little while. Best of all, one of my daughters is here to spend the weekend. My oldest daughter is at State Congress so she could not make it. But I am super happy that I get to see at least one of them today and tomorrow. Emily is currently taking a nap because she was out late for her school's football game. She is in color guard.

Well, I have sat here long enough. It's time to get busy again. My arthritis is giving me a lot of problems, but this hard work is almost over and then I am going to rest a couple of days before I start decorating for Christmas.

Confidence

I just finished reading The Memoir Project by Marion Roach Smith. I borrowed it from the library but it has some excellent insights that I would like to revisit so I plan to buy my own copy. I really want to make 2018 the year I complete my memoir. It's about damn time.

I was quite productive today. I have one more day to get everything ready for company on Sunday, and for the first time I actually see it being possible. I am getting up super early in the morning to give myself extra time for those final touches.

My anxiety has been better today. I feel in control. I haven't felt this sure of myself in a long time.

One Down, One to Go

Thanksgiving #1 was a success. I made deviled eggs, broccoli casserole, and apple pie, and they all turned out good. There wasn't a big crowd at my aunt's house and I sat in a corner so my anxiety was kept at bay. Now that I am home I am trying to stay awake until bedtime. I need to get up early in the morning and work like a mad woman to get ready for Thanksgiving #2 here on Sunday. Right now my muscles hurt so much. I wish I had a hot tub to soak in, or even just a large tub. The tub here is too small to stretch out in and is kind of shallow. Oh well. There's ibuprofen.

Mom is home now and her dogs are so very happy! It will be nice not having to drive to Athens every day now that she's home. So far she is doing well. She still has a good bit of pain in her chest but her pain medicine eases it off pretty well. She is glad to be here at home.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

"I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me." 

~Virginia Woolf