I felt okay this morning but then things fell apart and now I'm having paranoia issues. Or at least I hope it's just paranoia. I can't bear it if it's true. I've just gotta stop thinking about it.
I talked to my husband last night about having Thanksgiving at his Mom's house instead of here, but he said we couldn't and listed a number of valid reasons why we couldn't. So it's still on for here. He said not to worry about what the house looks like, but he doesn't understand how ashamed I am of it. It's hard to explain. I wanted to cancel Thanksgiving altogether, but I didn't say that. I don't want to upset everyone and we already have a turkey thawing and I just have no way of getting out of this. We are having our get together Friday instead of Thursday because my husband has to work overnight and he thought that would be easier. So I have one extra day to prepare, to worry, to break down. I'll be glad when it's over with.
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