*Stuck

The mentally ill are given a raw deal.  On top of what we are experiencing inside our minds, we are mocked and feared by society, and most often left to fend for ourselves on our own.  I suppose the rich have a few more options, but as someone with a low income, I have been dismissed by my doctor due to my treatment resistent illness and I have no where else to go.  I'm really stuck:  I am unable to work  due to my illness, but I have no insurance (I was deemed too poor for the new health insurance) so no medication and no doctor.  This means I cannot get accepted for disability (not that I wanted it, but I had finally reached the realization that I am not getting any better on my own, and at least the disability and insurance that comes along with it could potentially get me back on my feet so I could eventually start working again).  I am blessed because I am not homeless but if something happened to my fiance I would be.  There's no one else to help me.  We have tried really hard to prevent my reentrance into the hospital; I've been to the state hospital and I would honestly rather die than go back, it was THAT bad.  Conversely, I have been to a nicer hospital that actually helped me, but without insurance or any other means to pay, that is out of the question.  So I do what I can to get by, with the constant fear that one day that trying won't be enough...then what?