Catching Up On Old Times

When I stopped blogging three years ago I stopped reading other people's blogs too. I just completely divorced the blogger world. Why? I don't know. Mental health blogs (and other kinds of blogs, too) helped me a lot back then with what I was going through. Not only could I relate to a lot of the things I read, but I enjoyed peering in at other bloggers and learning about their lives and struggles. But three years ago I decided I was well and I didn't need any reminders of the hardships of mental illness. Crazy, I know. I just found that writing about mental illness, as well as reading about it, was holding me back in a realm of my life that I desperately wanted to escape. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I don't know if that was the right or wrong thing to do. I did really well during my time away. I think. There is very little recorded in my personal journal from that era so I can only rely on memory. But I think that's the most stable that I have ever been. And it was wonderful!

I'm not saying I'm not "stable" now. I feel somewhat stable. I'm just having a few bumps in the road. And with those bumps I find myself wanting to reach out and reclaim that sense of community I felt with fellow bloggers before. I read a few blogs today, and I realized how much I miss those worlds I blocked out. A lot - and I mean A LOT! - of the blogs I used to read are no longer active. Maybe they had similar reasons for leaving their blogs. I can only hope for the best for them. As for me, I lost my domain name and now some Japanese-like language is what pops up if you go to bipolarly.com. Bipolarly.net is available, but I think I will just go the free route for now. For one thing, no one is reading this one! :D Maybe that will change, who knows. Even if no one reads it but me, I think it helps. My personal journal is handwritten so my hand cramps up trying to write in it. I mainly keep it for jotting down quotes I like and little tidbits that I come up with. I open up more in my blog entries. Maybe too much, sometimes. Or maybe there is no such thing as too much. Maybe we are meant to unzip our insides as much as possible. How else do we know if there are any kindred spirits searching for us? I hope we all find each other.

I have had two panic attacks today, and seemingly nothing has triggered them. Just out of the blue, BAM!