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| “Man starts over again every day, in spite of all he knows, against all he knows.” -Emil Cioran |
I'm two weeks into the new year, and I am already losing focus on the things I had planned for 2014. As I have stated before, I am not usually into the resolution thing, but I did set a few goals for myself, which were:
1.) Deactivate Facebook for the year (mainly so I would have less distractions, but also because there were some things I was seeing on a daily basis that were really bumming me out)
2.) Finish book revisions on one of my four books (I actually ended up ditching the memoir concept and am rewriting the whole thing in another light...it came to me in a dream, yada yada don't judge my process)
3.) Do some type of exercise every day (nothing brutal, just something besides light housework and chasing after a toddler, which I have actually gotten pretty good at doing from the comfort of my chair)
I have made good on my vow to deactivate Facebook for the year. I have made a quick stop-in on the site twice, but that was to retrieve something from my private messages that I had forgotten to save elsewhere. While I miss the people I socialized with on there (some of them, anyway) I don't miss the other stuff.
My book work was strong the first week, but I am already slipping, and I know it is because I am, once again, doubting myself. I know what I want to write about, what I need to write about, but I am fearful of the consequences. You know, the point where someone besides me might read it. But, I must refocus on the project and not the outcome. Tell that inner critic to go jump down a mine shaft and work furiously until she climbs back out. I am determined to not let her win this year. I can't spend another year in failure where this is concerned. And no, I am not even worried about prospect of publishing; I just want to have a complete book that surpasses the crappy rough draft. I have four of those. I just want ONE COMPLETED BOOK!
I also fell off the wagon when it comes to exercise after one day. Yes, one day. Actually, to be perfectly honest, I did not even make it all the way through the whole workout that first day. During the part where I was on the floor doing leg exercises I just kind of...stayed there for a while, and then I got up and forgot about the rest of the workout. Shameful, I know. But at least I'm honest.
I have a pattern in my life of starting and quitting things quite rapidly. I get really sparked up about doing it, actually believe in myself, and then it's like I purposely go out of my way to prevent myself from accomplishing it. I know I'm not the only person who practices this type of self-sabotage. But I'm the only one I can actually change. And that's what this year is really supposed to be about. Changing the way I have done things in the past, just for one year, to see if it makes a difference. I know it will make a difference. I just have to do it. I still have 351 days to prove it. So, here I go...
8 comments:
Good idea to quit Facebook. I've found it can be very draining reading about everyone's seemingly perfect lives, while I slog away in the trenches of single momhood. I'm allowing myself only one visit a day, at 7 p.m. It's really helping.
Keep going with the book! I'm doing that, too. I have SO MUCH I want to do, but so little time. Like you, I get started, and then get distracted.
Well you're already an inspiration to me! you have rough drafts! About 3 years ago I decided I wanted to write about my childhood and how life was living with my disabled brother to the present. I wrote a paragraph! A paragraph! never went back to it after I had my baby. I'm over here in the cheering section waiting to read about how you've completed that book! :) Good luck!
It's a gentle reminder that none of us are perfect. At least you acknowledge your weaknesses and have a plan to tackle them. Here's to a productive 2014!
I can absolutely relate! I'm having a bit of trouble getting started and sticking to aspiration I have for the month. Shutting down Facebook interaction is something I need to do more of, too, it is totally a time-waister and a bit distraction!
Thanks, ladies! I am happy to say that I completed a workout today! My legs are burning, but that's a good thing :) Now, off to get some more writing done...
I am on fb waaay too much. Twitter too these days. But I like the interaction. Good luck with that. Hope you can find the focus needed to finish your book.
I waffle on the Facebook issue myself. On the one hand, I have wasted way too many hours playing various games. But then, I'm trying to develop my blog's FB following.
Seeing as you have written and shared about your goals and your challenges, I feel confident that you can accomplish what you want to do. It may not come in the time you would like, or the time other people tell you it should...but it will come. Rock on!
Thank you, Mary. Fortunately, I never caught the Twitter bug. I have an account, but I hardly ever "tweet" anything.
I appreciate that, LuAnn. I actually had a decent amount of success when I had a FB page specifically for this blog, and I have toyed with the idea of starting it back up again, but I think I will wait a little longer. My problem is I get too obsessed with things like that and find it hard to pry myself away. Until I can learn to balance my time more effectively, I will have to stick to this social networking "diet" so to speak. On the up side, not having FB has given me more time to correspond with fellow bloggers, and I enjoy that more anyway.
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