Moods, Decisions, and Why I May or May Not Disappear

Here's the deal with me.  I am in a horrible mood.  If you have ever found yourself in that cynical, withdraw-from-everyone depression, you know the mood I speak of.  I went to bed last night, slept solidly for three hours, and then woke up at 2 a.m. wide eyed and determined to delete my blog and Facebook page.  I fought hard not to do it, not really knowing exactly what I was fighting for.  I do want to help people.  Obviously, that is why I started the whole fiasco of writing about mental health and creating a FB to go along with the same topic.  I should be happy:  nearly every day I have someone write to me and thank me for the job I'm doing.  This always reminds me of my purpose and it lessens the blows of the more critical emails and comments I get.  But sometimes those critical ones are really hard to get over. But, that just comes along with being in the public eye.  Sure, I play a very minuscule part in the cyber world, but apparently not small enough to avoid pissing someone off every once in a while.

Yet, I don't know why I woke up with such a pressing need to delete my whole existence off the internet.  I am still debating it, to be truthful, but that doesn't bring me any closer to the subconscious reasoning behind it all.  Maybe I'm just tired.  It's true that I am at the most extreme end of introvert, and I'm as antisocial as they come.  Maybe this "job" is too social for me.  Maybe I should just...crawl into a hole and never been seen or heard of again.  That would certainly take less effort.  But would I feel any better than I do now?  Do I want to try it out and see?

I don't know.

Sometimes I think it's enough to simply focus on being an awesome mom and let the rest of the world deal with itself.  I'm raising the future here.  Leave me alone.  Maybe that really is what I should do.  When the kids are older, then I can give more than 45% of myself to the Stigma Fighter role.

That sounds noble enough to me.

Of course, I will probably completely change my mind as soon as this cynically depressed mood lifts.