A Need For Structure

I have been very anxious ever since I woke up this morning. I'm trying to fight it, but I just want to be left alone. That's not possible with kids, and I am trying to not take my irritability and antisocial mood out on them. I am always like this after a day of social stimulation. Yesterday was chock full of it. Baby & Me class, a crowded restaurant (that didn't bother me at the time thanks to a nice strong margarita) and then the rest of the day spent with kids. I had trouble getting supper made last night because of storms and power outages. All of this I handled quite well and I even got a good night's sleep. But upon waking this morning, all the residue of stress (both good and bad) have grown to make me a complete grouch!

I am going to try to take it easy today, but I do have one project that desperately must be completed today. I think my whole family could benefit from a little more structure in our lives, and I am going to write out a daily schedule to help us stay more on task. It will of course be lenient in certain areas, but the major issue is my fiance's need to have adequate study time for his classes.  While I appreciate his love and support more than anything, I feel a lot of guilt over the fact that he was unable to complete two of his courses due to having to help me through a major mental breakdown that lasted a couple of weeks. I feel like if I could just keep myself together on my own, I wouldn't have to be such a burden to him! He says he doesn't mind, but still. I wish I could be a stronger person for him. I take my chosen traditional role of housewife and mother very seriously, and I feel like I should be helping him when he gets home from work, not the other way around. The degree of my illness prevents me from driving, from making important phone calls, etc. The man works 50+ hours a week, goes to college full time, spends time with his son, does most of the errands on his own, and does his best to keep me stable and out of the hospital. He's a real life Superman. He may actually be able to fly, I've never tested it. And then there's me, the one who's always needing saving. Well, the least I can do is try to clear out his schedule for him a bit. I want him to have more success with his next semester. He's already having to take two classes over because of me. I've got to find a way to make our lives more productive. So, that schedule is my first step.